Personally, I understand that this project is not a simple task. I would need to build everything from scratch and I myself am not confident. Furthermore, there is a different interest between the Prof that gave me the project and my current supervisor. The one who gave me the project seems not interested with any paper or publication, while my supervisor is very interested in publication. I understand that the old Prof is old and famous enough that he rather do something unusual rather than playing safe research project. If it is fail, no lose while if it is successful, glory will follow.  Meanwhile, my supervisor is still young and won’t take such a risk. For me, my Phd destiny is at stake. Haha…

I bring this matter into prayer and I have decided to give my best during this two weeks, making possible setup and data. Of course, I hope that I can convince my supervisor that this project can be done. But, we will see how. In case I need to shift to another project, well, no lose

What I was afraid of happening is not coming into reality.

Furthermore, I got an exciting yet crazy project from my professor.

For sure, I will learn a lot from this person and this project. LIKE IT!

I can only give thanks to God, I am supervised by an expert from US, when I choose to take Phd in Singapore. Well..even if I go to US, I am

not sure if I will have a chance to meet this kind of supervisor.

Anyway, I think things gonna be tougher from now on. No slacking, focus2..

Tulisan tentang fase baru kehidupan saya. Migrasi dari bos kecil toko baju menjadi Research Student

However, finally, a lightning bolt stroked me when I was in my university years.  I was so afraid of the uncertainty of what I have to do in the future.  What job I shall choose, as there are so many paths around. What is the end? What is the goal? Additionally, at that time I was forced by condition to face a job that I have tried to run away from for many years, which is, an entrepreneur. I dislike this job since I see my parents often complains a lot about the job, the people, the goods, the customers, the illegal security, the risk, in short, everything. I have done many things to avoid being involved in this job, i.e. pile up good marks, take role of something academic related, train myself in academic area, etc. Anything, but not a businesswoman please.  Why not let me do an academic career? I’m not bad in that at as long as I remember, it’s much a safer choice as well.

In the end, I come to the period in which everything was really uncertain and frightening. Got a degree, faced with a job and things you dislike, have no reason to run away from reality again, after running away for so many years and put so many efforts to run. NOoooooooo!!!

Then, in the middle of big pressure, I go to Malaysia, backpacking, first time, and alone. Crazy eh? Well, someone frightened can do crazy things. In addition, I did something that I seldom did before, travelling with no plan. Ok, I have plan in big picture, take a bus, went to Penang, stay at a hostel, after that, not sure whether I want to head to Langkawi, Cameron, or even straight to Thailand, stay where, travelling by what, I don’t know. I just relay on two things, God of this universe and God of the cyber world, google.

However, the trips were very fruitful and give me a lot of insight. In 4 nights and 5 days, I learned about the principle of living in uncertainties. It needs some courage and time to be comfortable with the Art of Living in Uncertainties. One main principle is actually stated in Chinese wisdom, “zuo yi bu suan yi bu”, one step at a time, don’t think too much about the future.

The other thing I learn is about accepting change and adventure, life is an adventure, isn’t it? This far I have clung too much to my academic stuff that I become too scared to let it go. And hellooo…it’s time for a big change, and a new adventure of course. I thought you are adventurous, so why are you scared now? (This is what I heard from myself). Adventure can never be a smooth sailing, but it is interesting and thrilling, and you will feel more alive when you accept change, welcome it and not resisting that. Not everything is under your control, so why resist so hard to hold things unchanged?

Last thing is luck, well…yes, there is luck and coincidence (or is it fate?). If they are in your side, you will be very happy to see how things progresses.

In conclusion, I am happier now after I learn to live in uncertainties.

B: Oh yang itu, iya ada. Namanya roman-shit

A: Roman-shit? (Apa hubungan shit dengan gorden?)

B: Iya nik, roman-shit

A: Shit?

B: Hooh, ini ada contohnya di buku (sambil menunjuk-nunjuk ke gambar), roman-shit

A:  OOOOOOHHHH! Roman shade…..

B: Sampeyan kalau mau rolerbling aja mbak, lebih murah…

A: Roller blink?

B: Iya roller bling, yang ditarik2 itu lho nik.

A: Ditarik2? Blink?

B: Iya….roller bliiiingg

A: Oh, oh oh…roller blind…^^;;;

Saat training bagian kasir

A: Jadi pertama-pertama ngomong selamat siang ke pembeli

B: Nggih, mbak e, sampeyan sampun a mbak?

A: …….lalu ngomong, “ada tambahan lain?”

B: “Sampeyan yok nopo mbak e mboten tambah a?”

A: ……….Kok angel toh ngajari kowe bahasa Indonesia

1. I met a lot of my friends. My MSE friends, ISCF friends, church friends, and the unexpected ones, friends from my high school. Feel very happy after meeting them ^^

2. Get a PO and part time Phd offer at NTU. For me it looks like a good offer, finish bond, get a degree, and working in the field that I like. One stop solution. The drawback is that the money is not so good, but might be able to compensated if I can find some side jobs. I am fine with that, just that the status is a bit ambiguous at this moment. Haha…will be updated later.

And never be a good one..

Either getting lost, being killed, or someone’s die.

Sometimes I ask why and why?

Why shall I be awaken in bewildered

When I know I commit no crime

What has haunted my soul

That the nightmare has never ceased torturing?

I just want to be happy and smiling

Both sleeping and awake =)

Some personal reasons that make me confuse:

1. Family issue: Can I take care my family well in case I take Phd? I mean….it’s a four year commitment and it means that my career path has been determined from now onwards for the next four to five year.
2. Personal issue: I feel like I haven’t really tried any other field. OK, I have tried business and I think I like it. But well…I think I am not ready yet to pursue Phd.

The step by step process of course to consult my family first, whether they are fine if I take Phd and to solve the personal issue I have.