Live in Uncertainties
For as long as I remember (from primary school to university), I always try my best not to live in uncertainty. I need to have plan, at least for this period of life, with the goal of what I want to do in next period of life. For example, when I was in junior high school, I have planned that I want to go to a senior high school outside Mojokerto. When I was in senior high school, I disciplined myself to study hard so that I can be admitted to the good university. The plan usually works (or maybe I forced it to work?) and I am very rigid with it.
However, finally, a lightning bolt stroked me when I was in my university years. I was so afraid of the uncertainty of what I have to do in the future. What job I shall choose, as there are so many paths around. What is the end? What is the goal? Additionally, at that time I was forced by condition to face a job that I have tried to run away from for many years, which is, an entrepreneur. I dislike this job since I see my parents often complains a lot about the job, the people, the goods, the customers, the illegal security, the risk, in short, everything. I have done many things to avoid being involved in this job, i.e. pile up good marks, take role of something academic related, train myself in academic area, etc. Anything, but not a businesswoman please. Why not let me do an academic career? I’m not bad in that at as long as I remember, it’s much a safer choice as well.
In the end, I come to the period in which everything was really uncertain and frightening. Got a degree, faced with a job and things you dislike, have no reason to run away from reality again, after running away for so many years and put so many efforts to run. NOoooooooo!!!
Then, in the middle of big pressure, I go to Malaysia, backpacking, first time, and alone. Crazy eh? Well, someone frightened can do crazy things. In addition, I did something that I seldom did before, travelling with no plan. Ok, I have plan in big picture, take a bus, went to Penang, stay at a hostel, after that, not sure whether I want to head to Langkawi, Cameron, or even straight to Thailand, stay where, travelling by what, I don’t know. I just relay on two things, God of this universe and God of the cyber world, google.
However, the trips were very fruitful and give me a lot of insight. In 4 nights and 5 days, I learned about the principle of living in uncertainties. It needs some courage and time to be comfortable with the Art of Living in Uncertainties. One main principle is actually stated in Chinese wisdom, “zuo yi bu suan yi bu”, one step at a time, don’t think too much about the future.
The other thing I learn is about accepting change and adventure, life is an adventure, isn’t it? This far I have clung too much to my academic stuff that I become too scared to let it go. And hellooo…it’s time for a big change, and a new adventure of course. I thought you are adventurous, so why are you scared now? (This is what I heard from myself). Adventure can never be a smooth sailing, but it is interesting and thrilling, and you will feel more alive when you accept change, welcome it and not resisting that. Not everything is under your control, so why resist so hard to hold things unchanged?
Last thing is luck, well…yes, there is luck and coincidence (or is it fate?). If they are in your side, you will be very happy to see how things progresses.
In conclusion, I am happier now after I learn to live in uncertainties.
